Finally Home

When my husband was in Iraq- I hated this song. I couldn't stand to hear the opening notes. to hear the chorus. see the music video. For months and months and months after he returned, it still made my heart quicken and that one-of-a-kind nauseous feeling impaled me in the stomach.

You know those word-association games? I think this song was my "deployment-and-all-that it-entails" association. To this day when I'm driving down the highway and I hear the first few notes my stomach clenches and I remind myself My Soldier is only a phone call away...a ten minute drive from home...

This week I've listened to this song. And for the first time felt it as a comfort, not a reminder of separation. Two phone calls rocked my world this week. Two days, back to back.

On Tuesday I checked my missed messages. One from mom. one from dad. one from my husband. I didn't think much of it. So I called my mom back first. Her voice sounded really strange, but she talked about nonsense for the first ten minutes. And then she said, I need you to sit down and listen to me. I have hard news to tell you....

A close friend of the family received the knock on the door we all pray to never answer.

He was a sargeant in the Army. A black hawk crew chief in Afghanistan. There was a crash.

Our dads both worked together. Every time I went to the office, I saw his latest picture- heard the last of his stories or phone calls.

He was my brother's age. He and my husband have the same job.

Sgt. Brandon Silk is a hero. He will be so greatly missed. His father, mother and two brothers are also heroes.

I don't have any other words, because I can't handle to say them right now...

***

Wednesday morning brought another phone call. My mom again. More hard news. My grandmother had a stroke. She isn't doing well at all. We are all just waiting...

She was diagnosed with dementia about 4 years ago. It's been a horridly long road as she became less and less of the amazing Nana we all knew and loved. About a year and a half ago, I walked into her room at the nursing home and she was singing my song to a baby doll. I started my goodbyes then. It may seem cold to say this, but I didn't cry when I was told. It was expected. The last few days have brought ups and downs, one moment I am calm and collected. Realistic. Other moments, I am a bucket of snotty tears in my husband's lap.

My family has been hit hard this week. But God is faithful. His grace is sufficient. His arms are a place of security and rest.

He has given me a glipse of beauty through the ashes and tears... those I love and treasure are finally going home. They will sit at the feet of Jesus, amazed my his glory and grace. They will hurt no more. Fear no more. They will finally be home in arms of our Mighty God.