Friday, June 22, 2012

4 months and counting...

It has been quite a while since I showed my face around here...there have been a lot of changes in my world as of late. My Soldier has been deployed for almost 4 months, it seems like 6 already. Second deployment is much like I anticipated, dreading the things I know are to come and waiting for them to occur... at the same time, I've found that there is peace in knowing no news is good news and the sun really does rise each morning, despite how long the nights are. More about deployment later.... what I really wanted to share with everyone is the reason I've been gone so long. I realize I have to catch you up in warp speed... so here we go.

My hubby left early in March, and I wanted nothing more than to be the brave, independent wife who kissed him goodbye and stood strong until he was out of sight before the tears fell. But it didn't really work out that way. Night before the send off I was up allll night sick. My amazing husband stayed up with me for hours, only getting 3 hours of sleep before his long travels. I was a mess that morning, crying every five seconds and wondering how in the world I would survive the day.. after reporting on base, we had a couple hours to pass. We walked around and tried to talk about anything but the looming goodbye ahead. And then I got sick again. and again. and again. Isn't there something about Murphy's Deployment Law? You WILL get the flu or have something inconvenient and horrid happen on every send off, R&R or welcome home ceremony. Well its true. My Soldier tried his best to convince me to drop him off early and go home, but I refused. I'd rather spend my last hours ralphing on the side of the road than leave him for a year knowing I had 2 more hours.... the send off came and went, I was miserable but it didn't kill me. If anything, being sick distracted me from the gut wretching pain that makes its mark on you when your heart walks across the flight line and takes off into the horizon....

My best friend and fellow marine milspouse held my hand that day, and through the next week as my symptoms continued to plague me like the flu with avengance. I dismissed the nagging questions lurking in my heart and chalked it up to exhaustion, stress and heartbreak. Until a week later, when a surge of bravery took over and I had to know. It was 8 days after my soldier deployed that I sat on our bathroom floor and bawled my eyes out. We are having a baby. a precious little baby that we tried and waited for so long. and now my husband was gone. gone to celebrate the news, quiet my fears and assure me that this was God's perfect timing despite my panic. but most of all, my husband was gone for 12 months. without an assurance of R&R or even where he would be... For those of you who are faithful readers despite my 4 month absence, you understand the significance of this news after reading this post...  I was beside myself with the news, so I called my best friend to cry it out and then waited a day to tell My Soldier. I didn't know how to share the most amazing and yet heartbreaking news over the phone... but we were able to skype the next night and I burst into tears and told him. He was so happy and excited, he actually teared up. ( I have NEVER seen him cry, not at funerals, not when he left me last deployment, NEVER!) It was a precious moment that I will never forget. He has been more excited than I've been.

Which leads me to my excuse explaination of why I haven't been around since learning this news... I have never, ever, EVER been so sick in my life. The first 16.5 weeks have been filled with nothing short of 14 hours a day of sleeping ( and sometimes more!), ralphing every ten minutes day and night, headaches, body aches and wondering how on earth women actually WANT to do this again. I am SO excited to hold my precious baby in my arms and become a family of 3, but I cannot fathom how anyone actually enjoys this process called pregnancy. Its more like a process of torture... I tried everything from ginger chews and saltines, to seabands and peppermint aroma therapy, to gingerteas to prescribed meds. Nothing was the cure. A temporary slight relief at best. But praise the Lord above, last week I finally woke up and made it 3 hours before yacking. And the next day it was only 2-3 times instead of 8. And before the end of the week I woke up and had an entire DAY without getting sick! The slight nausea feeling hasn't quite passed, but I am counting my blessings. I can actually clean the house, shower and do something outside of the house all in one day!

I promise to be more faithful at posting, if anything to keep you updated on the baby....

For now here's your update:

*17 weeks 5 days
*weight gain 5 lbs
*fleeting "butterfly" moments of the little one squirming
* We find out the gender next week, I am SO excited to know! We all think pink, but I am a little skeptical because our family trackrecord- the Griffins are all boys!!
*craving- sugar. I am trying to fight it. I think after 16.5 weeks of eating nothing, I am wanting to inhale all things sugar and tasty!

Stay tuned!

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