Thursday, February 23, 2012

Crazy In the Head

Deployment makes you go crazy.
Before. During. After.
Legit Crazy.

If you've ever experience deployment, you'll know what I'm talking about.
If you haven't, well I hope you never have to.

Dreams- Where in the heck to the wacked dreams COME from?
 I can understand the insane dreams of ninja terrorists breaking into your house, killing the dog and kidnapping you to bribe your soldier for information.
Or the ones where you miss the send off and suddenly realize that you won't see your soldier for an entire year and you don't understand what happened or why he couldn't say goodbye.

The nightmares, I expect. I hate them but I understand.

But, what about the ones where you find yourself in a foreign country trying to find your soldier and there are ten thousand uniforms and all the faces are blurred out and you can't find yours no matter how hard you try. You scream and scream and call for him but he doesn't answer...

Or the ones where your front door gets stuck and you can't open it for all your worth and the dog has to go out and contemplate shoving her out the window. and then the aspca comes and takes her away becase your neighbor saw you throw her out the window.
(so this may be an actual concern, seeing as how our door keeps getting stuck and I am not strong even to open it!)

Or, let's just talk about the crazy hormones going on.
What if I forget to change the oil in the car? What if I send our house into financial ruin?
Pizza for dinner. I should have made his favorite, I'm a terrible wife.
Don't ask for his help on this, you have to learn to do it alone.
He asks for another cupcake, I say no because they are for the party. He says, isn't it my party? Yes- but I don't want you to eat them now. Ten minutes later on the floor in a puddle of tears, he promises he didn't really want a second cupcake but says he'll eat five if I will stop crying.
I'm annoyed at him for throwing dirty laundry in the basket of clean towels. and out of nowhere the thought flies into my head, it'll be so much easier when he isn't here to make a mess!
 And then the hysterical tears of guilt.
Oh, the guilt. Have mercy.
I ran an errand when he was home. I missed 3 hours I could have spent with him.
I shouldn't have stayed up to watch American Idol, I should have gone to bed with him....

I've got to get out of my own head.
I am going crazy!

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