Tuesday, May 4, 2010

MilSpouse Blog Carnival- Day 4!

1. Deployment- separation from loved ones is always difficult, but deployment separation takes the cake. It's hard when the rest of the world around you moves on with life, while yours has temporarily frozen in time waiting for combat boots to grace your doormat once again. Not knowing where he is, what he's doing, when he'll call, if he'll call... but in that place where you have no control, God works in indescribable ways to show Himself faithful. When you are able to be fully dependent upon Him, it is an amazing revelation to see He truly is enough.
2. Learning to speak in Code-oh the joys of trying to learn the billion acronyms the military has. The best part? It CONSTANTLY changes and each branch has their own variation! But once you get the basics down, you can finally understand whats going on!
3. Independence-learning to be independent and holding the fort down is a great lesson that I am thankful for, however its difficult to transition from independence to submission when hubby returns. I constantly battle with the desire to take the lead and jump into action, yet I know my role as a godly wife is to be a supportive and submissive wife. Though I haven't overcome this struggle, I am learning (with the Lord's help!) patience and self-control and most importantly trust in my husband.
4. OPSEC-most often I don't have a problem keeping things underwraps. I am conscientious of what I can or cannot reveal, and am entirely in agreement that it is necessary and for the safety of our fighting men and woman, HOWEVER it is frustrating for me to see blatant violations of OPSEC from those who know better. I have learned to confront in love and kindness and withhold my judgements.
5. Opinions and Comments from Others-we've all heard them. From friends, family and strangers..."why would you marry a soldier?", "well you signed up for this", "what did you think deployment would be like?", "are you proud that he is fighting in a losing war?"(GRR!) ...and my personal favorites, "do you miss him?", "is it hard when you don't know what he's doing or where he is?", "what if something happens to him, what will you do?", "don't you think you're a little young to have this life", "did you know the divorce rate in the military is 50%?", "I bet its hard not to cheat", "oh, he flys in blackhawks- have you seen blackhawk down?" (and yes- someone actually asked that, ON deployment!) I think I could go on and on... All I can say is that God has faithfully shown me grace and allowed me to hold back the angry tide and respond in love. I can't lash out at them for being ignorant.
6. Inactive v. Active-since My Soldier is in the guard, I don't have the same experience as an active duty wife would...I don't have to deal with PCSing and leaving family and friends, however I also don't have that same support community. My hubby plays army everyday, leaves in uniform every morning and reports to the guard base here...but he's not active. (its rather confusing actually, a kind of full-time inactive guard job) I have met a few wives from the unit over deployment, but most everyone around here is regular guard and only lives military once a month. It makes it difficult to bond and establish a common ground for relationships. Thankfully, I have a close group of highschool friends whose husbands have all joined the forces. God has blessed me with those treasured relationships and I know they are "lifers".
7. Lack of Sympathy-as terrible as it is to admit this, it's true- I've toughened up with army life and find it difficult to sympathize with civis who miss their husbands on 2 week business trips or even 2 month trips. Callous I know, but honest. I am learning compassion and empathy through His help.
8. Miles apart- even though I don't have to move around the country, my best friend does. It's wonderful to have a Hooah buddy, but I would love it if she was next door instead. That said, distance has proven our friendship to be gold and I am so thankful for her.
9. Isolation-as I mentioned before, being in the guard means folks around here aren't exactly a military town. It gets lonely sometimes feeling like your the only one. I know there are others, but most of the wives of the men that work everyday with My Soldier are older, have children and are comfortable in their established circles. Its difficult to break into a group thats already formed. We have met a couple younger couples our age and get together at times, but their lifestyles and ours don't always go hand in hand. That said, it has been a great opportunity to be a godly example and display a picture of military life they aren't used to seeing.
10. Mr. Army is the Boss-theres not much to explain about this one; Mr. Army calls- My Soldier responds. No matter 12+ hour days, missed dinners, polar opposite schedules, scheduled weekends, continuous training and tedious classes. That's just the life. But Mr. Army is also the reason we have the many things we do. So for that, I've learned to thank him.
Well, I think that covers at least the basics.
Check out what the other MilSpouses have to say here!


Becky said...

someone actually asked you if it was hard not to cheat? wow...sometimes people really don't think before they speak.

Mateya said...

Ah I agree about the Active v. Inactive duty thing. Robbie is in the guard too, so it's quite different than those who are surrounded by milspouses everyday!

steph said...

I could not have said it better! So true, so true and so true!!!

Whitney said...

I hear you on the acronyms. My boyfriend is in the National Guard and still a student in college. We haven't moved or anything, since he isn't active. Since he hasn't deployed yet, the FRG hasn't started up yet. I don't know many people in my city that are married/engaged/dating soldiers. I know only one, but I knew her from my hometown. I wish I knew more to hang out with in person, but at least we have this blogging community :)

Jessica said...

Oh wow this is a really great list!

Girl, I feel ya! Especially on the comments.

thanks for sharing sweety =)

Kathryn said...

Great list. I totally agree with you on number 3# that is something I struggle with!

Ebony S said...

I don't get to learn much about life as a reserve wife, and I know it's a world between military and civilian that takes the toughest of both and mashes them together. Thanks for sharing, I need to understand more so I can reach out more :D

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