4 months and counting...

It has been quite a while since I showed my face around here...there have been a lot of changes in my world as of late. My Soldier has been deployed for almost 4 months, it seems like 6 already. Second deployment is much like I anticipated, dreading the things I know are to come and waiting for them to occur... at the same time, I've found that there is peace in knowing no news is good news and the sun really does rise each morning, despite how long the nights are. More about deployment later.... what I really wanted to share with everyone is the reason I've been gone so long. I realize I have to catch you up in warp speed... so here we go.

My hubby left early in March, and I wanted nothing more than to be the brave, independent wife who kissed him goodbye and stood strong until he was out of sight before the tears fell. But it didn't really work out that way. Night before the send off I was up allll night sick. My amazing husband stayed up with me for hours, only getting 3 hours of sleep before his long travels. I was a mess that morning, crying every five seconds and wondering how in the world I would survive the day.. after reporting on base, we had a couple hours to pass. We walked around and tried to talk about anything but the looming goodbye ahead. And then I got sick again. and again. and again. Isn't there something about Murphy's Deployment Law? You WILL get the flu or have something inconvenient and horrid happen on every send off, R&R or welcome home ceremony. Well its true. My Soldier tried his best to convince me to drop him off early and go home, but I refused. I'd rather spend my last hours ralphing on the side of the road than leave him for a year knowing I had 2 more hours.... the send off came and went, I was miserable but it didn't kill me. If anything, being sick distracted me from the gut wretching pain that makes its mark on you when your heart walks across the flight line and takes off into the horizon....

My best friend and fellow marine milspouse held my hand that day, and through the next week as my symptoms continued to plague me like the flu with avengance. I dismissed the nagging questions lurking in my heart and chalked it up to exhaustion, stress and heartbreak. Until a week later, when a surge of bravery took over and I had to know. It was 8 days after my soldier deployed that I sat on our bathroom floor and bawled my eyes out. We are having a baby. a precious little baby that we tried and waited for so long. and now my husband was gone. gone to celebrate the news, quiet my fears and assure me that this was God's perfect timing despite my panic. but most of all, my husband was gone for 12 months. without an assurance of R&R or even where he would be... For those of you who are faithful readers despite my 4 month absence, you understand the significance of this news after reading this post...  I was beside myself with the news, so I called my best friend to cry it out and then waited a day to tell My Soldier. I didn't know how to share the most amazing and yet heartbreaking news over the phone... but we were able to skype the next night and I burst into tears and told him. He was so happy and excited, he actually teared up. ( I have NEVER seen him cry, not at funerals, not when he left me last deployment, NEVER!) It was a precious moment that I will never forget. He has been more excited than I've been.

Which leads me to my excuse explaination of why I haven't been around since learning this news... I have never, ever, EVER been so sick in my life. The first 16.5 weeks have been filled with nothing short of 14 hours a day of sleeping ( and sometimes more!), ralphing every ten minutes day and night, headaches, body aches and wondering how on earth women actually WANT to do this again. I am SO excited to hold my precious baby in my arms and become a family of 3, but I cannot fathom how anyone actually enjoys this process called pregnancy. Its more like a process of torture... I tried everything from ginger chews and saltines, to seabands and peppermint aroma therapy, to gingerteas to prescribed meds. Nothing was the cure. A temporary slight relief at best. But praise the Lord above, last week I finally woke up and made it 3 hours before yacking. And the next day it was only 2-3 times instead of 8. And before the end of the week I woke up and had an entire DAY without getting sick! The slight nausea feeling hasn't quite passed, but I am counting my blessings. I can actually clean the house, shower and do something outside of the house all in one day!

I promise to be more faithful at posting, if anything to keep you updated on the baby....

For now here's your update:

*17 weeks 5 days
*weight gain 5 lbs
*fleeting "butterfly" moments of the little one squirming
* We find out the gender next week, I am SO excited to know! We all think pink, but I am a little skeptical because our family trackrecord- the Griffins are all boys!!
*craving- sugar. I am trying to fight it. I think after 16.5 weeks of eating nothing, I am wanting to inhale all things sugar and tasty!

Stay tuned!

And so it begins...

Crazy In the Head

Deployment makes you go crazy.

Before. During. After.

Legit Crazy.

If you've ever experience deployment, you'll know what I'm talking about.

If you haven't, well I hope you never have to.

Dreams- Where in the heck to the wacked dreams COME from?

 I can understand the insane dreams of ninja terrorists breaking into your house, killing the dog and kidnapping you to bribe your soldier for information.

Or the ones where you miss the send off and suddenly realize that you won't see your soldier for an entire year and you don't understand what happened or why he couldn't say goodbye.

The nightmares, I expect. I hate them but I understand.

But, what about the ones where you find yourself in a foreign country trying to find your soldier and there are ten thousand uniforms and all the faces are blurred out and you can't find yours no matter how hard you try. You scream and scream and call for him but he doesn't answer...

Or the ones where your front door gets stuck and you can't open it for all your worth and the dog has to go out and contemplate shoving her out the window. and then the aspca comes and takes her away becase your neighbor saw you throw her out the window.

(so this may be an actual concern, seeing as how our door keeps getting stuck and I am not strong even to open it!)

Or, let's just talk about the crazy hormones going on.

S.T.R.E.S.S

What if I forget to change the oil in the car? What if I send our house into financial ruin?

Pizza for dinner. I should have made his favorite, I'm a terrible wife.

Don't ask for his help on this, you have to learn to do it alone.

He asks for another cupcake, I say no because they are for the party. He says, isn't it my party? Yes- but I don't want you to eat them now. Ten minutes later on the floor in a puddle of tears, he promises he didn't really want a second cupcake but says he'll eat five if I will stop crying.

I'm annoyed at him for throwing dirty laundry in the basket of clean towels. and out of nowhere the thought flies into my head, it'll be so much easier when he isn't here to make a mess!

 And then the hysterical tears of guilt.

Oh, the guilt. Have mercy.

I ran an errand when he was home. I missed 3 hours I could have spent with him.

I shouldn't have stayed up to watch American Idol, I should have gone to bed with him....

I've got to get out of my own head.

I am going crazy!

WE: not me vs. you.

"Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love overs all offenses."

Proverbs 10:12

There has been a lot of smoke around the milspouse blogging world as of late.

Most of you know what I am talking about.

I had to wait a couple days before writing this post, because I knew in my heart of hearts- that my ugly flesh would come roaring out if I did not allow the Spirit flood in.

I am addressing it, not to fuel the fire.

Not to defend my husband or my role as an Army Guard Wife.

Not to confront or put someone in there place.

And certainly not to spread gossip.

But I do think it needs to be addressed.

Because this kind of bickering and backlash tears a body down.

And aren't we all one body?

Don't we all serve for one common goal?

Didn't we all recite the same pledge and creed?

It is no secret, that in the military world each branch is distinct.

Army.Marine.Navy.AirForce.

Active.Guard.Reserve.

And we all know the jokes. the poking at each other.

 "marine jarheads",

  "ain't ready for marines yet army",

 "sailors who don't swim"

"air conditioned airforce"....

I would be lying if I said they've never been spoken in my household.

You'd be lying if you did, because we all say them.

And we all laugh.

But at the end of the day, whether I'm talking to my best friend whose husband is a deployed Marine,

or my co-worker whose husband and son are in the Air Force,

We are all in this TOGETHER.

We may not walk the same steps, but we walk the same path.

Its true, that I cannot relate to PCSing or moving across country.

But I do know the struggle of deployment without knowing another milspouse nearby to confide in.

I don't have to worry about My Soldier deploying every other year.

I worry deployment every two years. because our guard unit is the most deployed unit in our state.

The longest stretch (aside from deployment) that I've gone without My Soldier is a 3-4 month school.
But we've never known a one weekend a month, two weeks a year schedule. ever.

in fact we've been training for this deployment since four months after last deployment,

 and we already have alerts for the next deployment before this one even starts.

I don't call it a BX, I call it a PX. even though the only one in a 50 mile radius is technically a BX.

I don't understand the Marine ranking system.

 (my best friend and I try and figure out what means what in "our" branch....its really funny actually.)

The list could go on and on and on...

Because we are different.

But we are also the same.

When we start walking towards that place where we compare and try to exalt ourselves against our brothers and sisters...thats a dangerous place to be in.

As you can imagine, military spouses are STRONG.

We have to be.

We learn to brave a smile when our love in uniform kisses us for the last time in X months and walks away leaving us standing alone...

We take on dual parenting.

We learn to mow the lawn or shovel the driveway.

We take over finances.

We sleep in a big empty bed.

We wait all day for 5 minutes of delayed fragmented phone calls.

We study for promotions and boards.

We memorize ranks.
We learn acronyms.
We encourage and support our uniform.

When did we become me vs. you?

When did details break down a community of support and acceptance?

When did difference become distance, and camaraderie become competition?

I won't deny my initial reaction to this spiral of controversy.

I was hurt. Offended. Outraged.

As I should have.

But what does quarreling accomplish?

Nothing.

My sister said it best here, that every uniform, regardless of branch, regardless of rank,

stands shoulder to shoulder to defend our country and uphold their oath.

Shouldn't we as milspouse's follow their lead?

Confessions

My lovely Kate posted about "Confessions" the other day, so I thought I'd join in and make her feel better about her fear of checking voicemail....

* I am petrified of the dentist. I'm not sure when my phobia developed, my mom always took me as a kid and as far as I remember, nothing traumatizing happened. (but then, maybe I am blocking it)
I won't go without my hubby. even its just an x-ray. I've rescheduled having my wisdom teeth out twice. somehow I feel the throbbing pain is easier to handle...

* Feet creep me out. I hate them. I wash mine every night before I get into bed and have even been known to bring my sleeping husband a washcloth to wash his off so that if he accidental brushes my leg its clean. I need help, I know.

* I love school supplies. Every August when stores make their big going-back-to-school display, I check it out for deals. I usually come home with a variety of notebooks and colored pens. Oh- I graduated 3 years ago...

* If I could live in a black and white world, I probably would. Don't get me wrong, I love color. Its splashed all over my house. But there is just something classic and elegant about black and white.

* I have never taken my car through a car wash or for an oil change. I always make my husband do it. Because I'm scared I won't line my tires up correctly and fall through the floor. don't laugh. I have nightmares.

* I love all things sweet. Chocolate, candy, cookies, frosting. I should join a support program. My saving grace is I ban them from the house. well minus the chocolate. what girl can live without dove?

* I'm a total type A personality, but I am a procrastinator at heart.and always 10 minutes late. makes sense right?

* Things I don't like make me nauseous. Legit, nauseous. And not just scary things like spiders or snakes. the color orange. feet. things that don't match. the bathtub drain.

* My worst fear in life is being "stuck". and no I can't really explain that.


 So now that I've made Kate feel better about her fear of voicemail... someone make me feel better about my fear of the car wash?


 

The D- Word

It’s time again. Time for calendars and countdowns,

checklists and to-do’s….

We’ve known it was coming for a while….it was just the time frame that kept changing. Pushed up, pushed back. Original date. New date. That’s the army way.

I feel like I’m doing pretty well considering. I can talk about it without having an emotional breakdown in public. And people keep asking me how I’m “dealing” and I find a quirky answer about being “army strong” and “soldiering on”… most days that’s fairly true.
But others, not so much.

It’s a whole new ball game this time around. I’ve done the whole long-distance, where-in-the-world-is-Waldo , talk once a week for 5 minutes and 22 seconds bit… only last time was our first deployment and I was blissfully ignorant to the suck I was about to embrace. And I was living at home with my parents and my best friend was in the same shoes. And I was in school. And working full-time. And busy busy busy.

Round Two is a little more daunting it seems…. living alone in a brand new, big empty house with a puppy who gives kisses but can’t talk back…working from home most days and having lots of free time and long nights…my best friend clear across country(literally) and my oldest friend, though just reaching the end of her first deployment - she has a baby and is in a different phase of life right now...

Everyone  I know that is facing deployment has a different perspective… they are not worried about whether their dog will ever eat again and how to stop the incessant whining at the door when he’s not home. And then there is the fact that I know exactly what is coming, and I don’t like what I see…

So, here is my fair warning of the whining that’s sure to come. Don’t get me wrong, I am so very proud of my soldier and I am so blessed to have the life we do- military and all…But, I’m still dreading what’s just around the corner waiting for us.

For some reason, I have it in my head that this one is the worst. First time- ignorance can be bliss- third time seems like one would feel like you’ve conquered the challenge before and survived.

But right there in the middle…. That’s what has got me a little worried.

Are any of you up for your second deployment? What keeps you distracted and focused on enjoying the time at hand?

I’ve heard both sides: start new hobbies, join a club, volunteer for an organization…vs… this is not a time to add stress and take on the world, maintain your schedule, stay busy but don’t add to your plate just yet… What do you think? Any suggestions?

At the end of the day, I know that my Lord is in control.  He knows when My Soldier and I will be saying our “see you laters” and where he will be going and how long he’ll be away and whether we will get an R&R.

He knows all things and all things work together for the good to those who love Him.

So if I start to lose sight of that truth, will someone please remind me?

I’d like to try and pull this off with a little grace. Not a lot, but a little…

Hopeful

My sister recently posted about her word for 2012…and it got me thinking.  For the past few months I have associated many words and descriptions for this year...

Words like Panic. Deployment. Fear. Dread. Countdown. Alone.

 These words have been trapped in my mind, tossed about and thrown into focus at any random moment.  They have kept me from resting in His presence and being joyful in the time that I have. But no more.

 New Year’s came and went, and I realized that I didn’t fall apart. That the earth didn’t shatter beneath my feet and the waves didn’t swallow me up. Neither did it change anything- those words are still there… but I’m still standing. And I’ve discovered a new word. An unexpected revelation for this year.

Hopeful.

Hopeful doesn’t mean no tears. It doesn’t mean my countdown reversed. It doesn’t mean that I am not fearful. And it doesn’t mean that I have a tingly excitement of something new.  However, this is what it DOES mean:

Hopeful means that Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and 3 months from now, My Lord is the same.

Hopeful means new opportunities and advancement for the Kingdom.

Hopeful means that I am never truly alone. Because He knows where I am. In the day and

during the night.

Hopeful is the promise of what is to come… the truth He has a prosperous and successful future for me.

Hopeful is knowing that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.

HOPEFUL means that these other words can’t control me any longer. Because you can’t hope in the Lord and be chained to the devil.

Will you be hopeful with me?

Whatever your situation is, whether you awake with dread each day or feel like you’re stuck in a pit of despair… or can’t see through the glass clearly and fear what lies ahead…

Will you chose to be hopeful?

And if you’re caught in a moment where you aren’t sure you have it in you, look UP.  There’s always hope when you look up… 

The Perfect Tree

My husband constantly reminds me that things don't have to be "perfect".And I constantly remind him- oh yes, actually they do.God knew what he was doing when he created a laid back-go with the flow- it's all good-type of guy with let's make a plan to plan-make it perfect-must be precise-can't ignore the fudged details type of gal.And its a good thing. Because me being married to me would be catastrophic.  But I have the best intentions. Honest. I see something and want to do my very best. Somewhere along the line, someone must have decided perfection was attainable, because I swear I kill myself every day trying to get there. No such luck as of yet.  So now that you know the background to my little saga and I've set the stage...here's what happened. Hallmark Version: My Soldier FINALLY has a day off when we can get a Christmas Tree.
So, as a Christmas enthusiast, I decide to make a day of it. We'll find a local tree farm and drive out. There will be rows and rows of beautiful trees to choose from like on the Hallmark Channel. The owners will have beautiful wreathes on display and homemade donuts and hot chocolate. If it snows, they even have a horse-drawn sleigh!! It will be a day of memories to be made and maybe finally I can get my easy-going hubby to get excited for once! He doesn't get into Christmas, or birthdays. or any holiday really... Real Life Version: We set out for the hour drive to the tree farm I found online. Our GPS thought it would be fun to have us do a few extra loops and swoops, you know- 30 extra minutes of bonding time in the truck. We finally reach our destination and pull onto the dirt road, my anticipation a mile high for the sight just over the hill. Rows and rows and rows of trees! All skinny, scrawny and all of 3 feet tall. Not entirely what I envisioned in my perfectly planned Christmas outing. No worries, we'll find that one perfect 6 foot tree on the lot. If it takes all day.We parked and walked into the little store filled with sweet smelling wreathes and pine cones.
There were homemade donuts, before someone ate them all. And there were hot chocolate packs if the water was hot. But still, no worries, the shop was filled with adorable ornaments, some homemade and others collected from various shops around the local towns. It was a Christmas ornament museum, but that would have to wait. Hubby of course is on a mission. We came for a tree. Divide and Conquer. Then leave.So we found an employee and asked how it worked. "How what works? What do you want to know?""Finding a tree...can we just have at it and drive the lot? Do you have saws? How does this work?""Saws in the red shed. Pick whatever and bring it down. We'll tag it." (and walks away)Ok then. Off to the red shed to find a saw! 20 minutes late after evaluating each and every row of trees, none even came close to catching my eye. Tiny and scrawny.This Christmas HAS to have a perfect tree.Next year I can have a 3 foot one....So back to the store we go. We'll just pretend we cut it down. Pick one of the pre-cuts that are taller.We picked a beauty. Tagged it, paid and asked if they had a baler to tie it.
"Yap. Hold on."....... "You're good." (and walks away) Fabulous customer service. Thank you for the treasured Christmas memories made...  Finally loaded in the truck, we begin the trek home (without the GPS' help)And I, being a perfectionist and a whiner, start to complain about my dashed dreams.And My Soldier, being a fixer and mood lightener, starts to make jokes about Christmas traditions.Silly ornaments, stupid irritating lights that give seizures, sticky trees and inflated gift giving...all to try and make my unattainable vision sound less dramatic and not a "big deal"...My mission for Christmas excitement. fail.So I sulk. And apologize that I dragged him half way across the state for a dumb tree that we could have picked at the end of our street where they set up shop for trees and wreathes to be sold. I decide to shake it off and delve into dreaming of what our tree will look like with our new decorations and sparkling white lights. At home we unload, bring the tree in and set it up in our brand new stand. Our brand new stand which doesn't work because the base is wayyyyy too big.And my amazing hubby runs to the basement to return with several small blocked pieces of wood.He makes a shim to support the tree and accommodate for the abnormally wide base.Its perfect!! Perfectly smelling, perfectly straight,perfectly 6 foot beautiful Christmas tree! We put on the lights, the garland and decide to wait until after dinner to finish with the ornaments.It was then that I realized, a slight, um...tilt of the tree. Gradually, little by little sliding towards the wall. No one would ever know unless you walked across the room to admire it from another angle. But its still crooked. A crooked Christmas tree.So what do I do? Sulk. Its not perfect, its crooked. We need to fix it. So we tried, screw bolts in tighter, turn the tree to different angle. Add another support block of wood. Nada. I just wanted it to be a perfect tree, for a perfect Christmas while he was home. I wanted to look back and remember this year and smile. And you know what my sweet husband said?It is baby. It is perfect because I am with you.We have a beautiful tree. We made memories that we'll laugh about forever.There is nothing missing. Its perfect. And you know what? He's right. We have a perfect, crooked Christmas tree. One I will never forget the memory of decorating it with My Soldier.And I love it. 

   

If I'm asked ONE.MORE.TIME....

I don't often get intensely personal in my posts,mostly because, its scary.In fact, I haven't since this post It's nerve-wracking to air all your secrets on public clothes-line strung up across the world for everyone to see. But a dear friend once told me that if you can name your fears, well then they aren't so big anymore. so I'm going "to punch it square in the face" and maybe it will loosen its annoying grip.  No one, and I mean no one knows this. except for my best friend. (but everyone knows that not telling secrets excludes your best friend unless specified right?) My Soldier and I have been married almost 3 years. We're mid twenties and have years ahead of us. and yet its EVERYONE's favorite question. It doesn't matter if we are in the commissary talking to the cashier, at church chatting with friends, or bumping into old aquaintances while running errands. But my favorite is when its your family. or his. That ask every.single.time.you.see.them.  And I calmly smile and pull out a diffusing answer. to get them to shut up.when I really just want to flip.my.top.like a tea kettle that has sat on a hot stovetop for a few minutes, steaming and whistling and threatening to blow.  It's gonna happen. If I'm asked.ONE.MORE.TIME. "So when are you two going to start having children?""Don't you want to hold a cuddly little baby and know you created them?""You don't have any children YET?""Oh- are you waiting for some reason?""You probably just want to keep your hubby to yourself right? Just don't wait too long!"" I understand, you want to wait until he's sure to be home and not deployed right? Well, you know honey- there is never any assurance if he's in for the long haul." And my favorites after I've calmly pulled out some statement like, "we've got our hands full with a puppy right now!" and "we've only been married for 3 years, and we're barely mid twenties. there's no rush!" or my fall back if nothing appeases them, "well, I'd like to wait until I'm sure I won't be single parenting for the first year of their life" : "Oh, well I guess it is the Lord's timing. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to have a baby""Oh no! Don't wait, its so much easier to have someone else to care for through deployment. Then you won't be sitting around the house lonely and miserable""Well, if all else fails- there is always adoption and you are the perfect couple to love another child as your own!" So I bite my tongue and smack a fake smile on my face.When want I really want to do is scream at them and blurt the truth. We have tried. and tried. and tried.And its not happening. and they say nothing is wrong. And He doesn't want to try any more right now. so seeing a doctor again is pointless.And every single time you ask that question you are ripping my heart open and stabbing me in the gut.And yes, I'm happy for all of my friends who got married after me that are happily starting a family, thanks for pointing that out by the way. And can you please. just. stop. talking about it.And of course I want to carry life and see my husband in our children. Of course I think about getting older and him leaving me all alone when he deploys again.And I'm very well aware that you want to be a gramma. Don't you think I want to be a mother?Can't you see that I'm at the brink of tears or fuming every time you bring it up?And why is it, that every single person wants to announce how many of their friends are having babies right now? or have just found out that they are pregnant. I am done. I can't take it any more. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want everyone to know and talk about it themselves.But the asking has got to stop.The pressure has got to stop.Because if I'm asked ONE. MORE. TIME. I might just die.  {so much for punching fear in the face huh?}{maybe next time...} 

Excel Sheets in Real Life

I wish that every sequence of military life came with a warning label.This way when you start your first Christmas shopping excursions, it won't smack you upside the head in the middle of the store that Christmas is only 9 weeks away.... and then "next" year isn't really that far anymore ... Or when you're sitting in church for Wednesday night service you won't count the chapters of our Revelation study and realize you might have to mail the recordings for him to finish it too. And wouldn't it be amazing to have a warning label that all things change no matter how "official" they may be. or wait- is it that or official word is "official"? we play that side too... I don't quite know what to do with myself lately. Plan and make to-do lists or take it a day at a time and wait. Fast forward or pause. Because both work. and I hate that. I am your classic miss type A. I have a love affair with excel spreadsheets, checking the boxes (with a pink pen, of course), schedules and lists of requirements are my happy place and I am in my fluffy comfort-zone when I know exactly.what.to.do.   WARNING LABEL!  So this is where I need some feedback from my dear military wives.What are your methods for dealing with the upcoming "unknowns"? I'm accustomed to the count downs, the monthly markers and the events to check off along the way. But what about the moments in between? When you only have a glimpse of what's around the corner and you aren't liking the view? How do you make the list of "last ..." and "before ..." moments fun and enjoyable when its a constant ticker reminding you of what is to come? I pretty much feel like I'm loosing my mind these days and keeping it "under wraps" and explaining my drama isn't so easy. (you know this- we all like to pretend we're Army Strong and won't crack unless its behind closed doors)  I just need to know. A or B. East or West. One way or another. ...because I'm a type A and I need to type A!  

Makin' Progress

I have been working on adding a business page and making some updates around here... It's coming slow but steady. Check out my new page here. And yes- stay tuned for the rest of the changes. Come on, you didn't really think this was a legitimate post did you?  



Somewhere between shock, panic and ticked...

I didn't sleep much last night, so forgive the jumbled speak.

We got some news yesterday, I knew it was coming.
But I was braced for X information and instead I was blindsided by ABC details instead.

There I was standing in the Christmas Tree Shoppe with my mama when I got the call from My Soldier. He had been in briefings all day...
And then the roof collapsed on my head.
And I feel like someone punched me in the solarplexus somewhere around 2pm and I have yet to catch my breath.  I'm just not ready to say goodbye again. I wasn't prepared for my turn so soon...I can't share the details of course, OPSEC. 

Could I ask my blogging family for prayers? I need some today.

 
  "When our hearts do not feel that God is still in control, we must consciously dwell on the truth of the Scriptures with our minds. Our thoughts can either drain our energy and cripple us, or be a source of strength when we meditate on God's Word."


 

Wordless Wednesday

 

 Courtesy of the lovely Dana B.http://newlywedsdiaries.blogspot.com/   

That feeling when you sign your 30 page mortgage agreement...

Yesterday I officially joined the mid-20"s club.
And of course, My Soldier was MIA.
Drill weekends and TDY usually fall around holidays and birthdays.
Of the 4 years we've been together, we've shared just 1 birthday celebration each.
That's just how it works right?

I did get a present from the Army though.
A text message from my hubby saying he has 1 day to decide to re-up.
24 hours to plan the next __# years...

His service date is in June, so we thought we had several more months.
On one hand, I can not imagine a life without the military.
On the other... "normal" life, with a hubby at home. always. hmm....

But the gut-kicker was this: re-up and get a nice little bonus.
OR get out next June and he won't go on the upcoming deployment...I think the thought of getting out gave me the butterflies more than re-enlisting,
but all I got from the conversation was:

He could stay home next year. We finally got to talk about it late last night and have decided to re-up.
The Lord has yet to call us somewhere else. And we both have peace about the decision.

But you know that feeling when you sign your 30 page mortgage agreement...it still kinda feels like that.

Because no matter how you spin it- we signed over the next ___# years of our lives.

   

The Truth.

I've been thinking about what to write for months weeks... For one who is never at a loss for words- I was surprised at how difficult it was to find the words to fill an empty page after being gone so long.

It seems I go back and forth between raw, honest postings of the ups and downs in life and the run of the mill- this is what I've been up to nonsense.  The latter is usually easier to share.

But that is not what I am going to write today.
I'll be honest.

I think I've been avoiding you (the blogging world), because I don't want to be submersed in the reality that many of you are still enduring deployments, lonely nights, broken down cars, single parenting and the rest of our endless bulleted list when your soldier is away. I've tried to stay clear of reading stories that make me tear up and cling with a death grip to my soldier who I'm so blessed to have sleep beside me every night.Kinda pathetic and selfish huh?

Something in me seemed to crack a few months back, when my best friend sent her beloved Marine off to war like the rest of us. It's her first deployment.
Without making this sound like "it's all about me"... it has been like reliving my own.  And that means I am constantly aware of the monsterous typhoon cloud looming overhead.
Deployment #2 is closing in. I know this is life. This is my duty. I love being a soldier's wife.
But is it really possible to live through it again? I feel like I used to be the most independant person I knew. I hated every single moment of deployment. But I lived. I breathed. I even admit- I had some fun adventures!
I look back and remember, and I realize that I was given grace to endure it.
That I was never alone.  But I don't feel like that person anymore.
I don't feel strong and independant. or carefree or go with the flow.I feel clingy and weak and co-dependant. And must have a plan D incase A,B and C don't pan out.I feel smaller and a little less confidant that I can do it again. I don't feel like I am qualified to fill this role anymore.
Somehow I am still reeling from the roller coaster ride 2 years ago.2 years. and I still have the nightmares.
Drill weekends still bring occasional tears. a drill WEEKEND. Didn't I used to laugh at 3 months? Like it was a breeze to endure after 13? Where did she go?The one held it together, smiled bravely and said everything was fine-just so he'd make it through his day with ease? I think she's still in there somewhere... but how do I find her? 

Hello, My name is Mrs.Griffin and I am a horribly inconsistant blogger.

I feel like its a bit redundant to once again for the bagillionth time announcemy return to the blogging world....it seems I am making a trend of such titles. To catch you up in super-duper warp speeds: My puppy is "the exception" to every rule known to dog owners and I have had the little miss at the vets SEVEN times this month for everything from her spay surgery going horribly wrong, to a hot spot, to a sprained leg. Poor baby. So long budget .  I quit my 50+ hour a week finance job and started my own business. YIKES!
(If this was the only thing on my list- you'd know why I have been a stranger around here...)I am loving the life of setting my own hours and being my own boss, but that comes with lengthy days getting it kickstarted and going strong. My best friend in CO is PCS-ing to another time-zone.
No this doesn't really affect me...except yes it does because it takes two to pack a box and plan a move. even if I'm 22 states away. Last week my oldest friend in the world said goodbye to her Marine for 12 months.
She is such a beautiful and strong wife and mother. I respect her so much.It was much more difficult to walk with her through this journey than I expected.I wasn't prepared for the thousand emotions that slammed into my chest as I pulled onto the base for his sendoff, they really are all the same... And wouldn't you know it, the month I am done work and starting the business at home, My Soldier has AT and is working all hours of the day and night. I haven't seen him in months it seems...  But this is life right? Learning to balance the chaos and madness gracefully? I won't promise to be around here more often, but I hope to say hello again soon.   

My Next Adventure

I am so very excited to share with all of you what has been consuming my free time as of late....

I am now an official Arbonne International Consultant!

Having just signed up last week, my kitchen at the present time looks like an Arbonne Christmas exploded! 

I was thrilled to come home to 4 lovely boxes filled with Arbonne goodies for my starter kit.

The products are even packaged pretty!

 

 For those of you who aren't familiar with Arbonne, you seriously owe it to yourself to check it out! 

 For years I have been an avid supporter of their products and their promise to deliver pure, safe and beneficial products that uphold their botanical tradition.

 

It wasn't until just recently a family member (an area manager for Arbonne) asked me to take a closer look at the business side of Arbonne. My first thought was that I wouldn't be any good at it, or that I wouldn't have the time to start it up while working a 45+ hours a week job...but the more I looked into this incredible opportunity, the more I realized it was a tangible reality for me.  She gave me this video and it really made me think... why not? Why isn't that lifestyle and opportunity as available to me as it is to them?

 

Then I made My Soldier watch it. And read the pamphlets. And listen to the informational call.

His approval sealed the deal. So here I am!

Kickstarting a new home business, with a crazy work week that requires an hour drive both ways, a puppy who is in desperate need of training and excerise,and these insane migraines that have plagued me for the last 6 months. 

 

And I'm loving it.

 

 I am busting my hiney to get my calendar filled with party dates and new clients to order products.

This isn't a get rich quick scheme by any means, but it is a lifestyle worth the work.

Freedom of time, being my own boss, and being part of an organization that strives to bring beauty to the world inside and out. Not to mention their products are amazing quality.

 

I have the best intentions to spend a little more time around here...

Look for my new Arbonne page..it's in the making!

 

Arbonne.com

 

 

 

AND THE WINNER IS....

Finally...for my end of the month beginning of the month give-away....  The lucky winner is.... #3 Kelly Lynn from You + Me = Wii !!!! Your fabulous prize??? 

 You are eligible for a $20.00 off coupon on any Arbonne purchase!!! AND a free surprise product when you order!Don't wait- hop on over and make your wish list!  ***** Never heard of Arbonne? Click here and discover how this amazing line of health and wellness products can change your life.  Come back tomorrow to find out how Arbonne changed MY life and why this giveaway is the start for my next adventure as an Army Wife!  **** To all those who introduced themselves- it was so nice to meet you! Come back soon for another giveaway in the making!! 

LAST CHANCE!!!

 Today is the last day to enter my giveaway! Have you entered yet? Theres been a lot of you who stopped by...but only a few left comments... (better chances for those who did to win!) Come on! Introduce yourself- win a fabulous giveaway!! I'd really like to meet you!  

Nice to Meet You

I came to the realization today that I don't know many of my readers.
I have yet to have the priviledge of meeting YOU!
I don't know how you found my blog,
Who you are and what you blog about.
(In fact, I haven't had the opportunity to follow many of you-tell me where you call bloggie-home!)
Are you a milspouse too?
What part of the world are you reading from?
Maybe we have a lot in common....maybe we live close to each other...
you never know!
SO
the next time you stop by to say hello, won't you introduce yourself?
I'd really like to say "nice to meet you"
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P.S- those of you who are proactive followers and leave a comment introducing yourself will be entered for a fun surprise giveaway at the end of the month!!! Want two entries? Blog about this post and leave the link in an additional comment!
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